Pupils Diary 2 DL7

A further extract from

A PUPIL’S DIARY

Before
beginning to look for a solution, one must first define the problem. That
sounds logical. If only I could be sure what the problem is.

The fact
that an Adept does not think or act like an ordinary human being is not the
problem. The problem is my reaction to this situation. I try to accept it, to
adjust to it, but it’s like catching quicksilver.

I think
I know him fairly well, insofar as it is possible for any human being to know
him, yet I can very rarely predict his response to any event.

I think
the answer is BALANCE. Balance, as he said, is the key to everything. Look for
the balanced reaction to any occurrence or statement and that is where
he will be.

Providing
I can figure out what is the balanced way.

In the
early stages, one tries to equate balance with what one feels is the right
thing to do. But the “right thing” is a dangerously subjective judgement.

To take
just one example: I thought it was the right thing to save the seals. But those
pitiful little furry creatures, allowed to multiply unchecked, drastically
reduced the fish population. So Nature is now restoring the balance.

A world
from which suffering had been eradicated would be as unbalanced as a world
ruled by one mad dictator. It is emotionally difficult for me to accept that,
because I want to provide plentiful supply of Whiskas for every cat in the
world. I care about cats more than I care about anything else; and that could
be an unbalanced view if I let it.

But how
am I to prevent it being unbalanced? I am not at present in a position to do
much for animal welfare. Maybe there is some improvement to be noted in the
fact that I no longer wish to adopt every cat that appears in the garden. There
are logical reasons for that, which would not to have occurred to me a few
years ago.

The
feelings are still there, but they do not influence my actions.

If feeling
is all right but doing something as a result of that feeling is wrong,
then I am on the track. Is it so easy?

From the Dark Lily Journal No 7, Society of Dark Lily
(London 1988).